I got it! Well, 3 of them to be honest...

And there was no blood spilled at all. Though I could've slapped the idiot who served me.

Scuse me. Must go and do some reading.

Bye, Homer...

I'll miss your countdown.

Is this our first blog video? (If I can figure out how to attach it, it will be...)

I laughed out loud. Literally.

It's a conspiracy, isn't it???

I know I live out back of beyond the boondocks, but seriously... this is just plain NASTY!

WHY DOESN'T OUR NEWSAGENCY HAVE A COPY OF AUSSIE TOP GEAR? AND WHY DOESN'T THE DIPSTICK BEHIND THE COUNTER UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF 'TOP GEAR', 'AUSTRALIAN' AND EVEN 'MAGAZINE'???

I'll go back and try again after work, and it had better be in stock, or there will be spells cast, and some serious bloodflow.

Message from the Corbster, part III

I have barely had time to scratch my butt recently, I've had one day off since I started, just got back from five days in Germany, where I drank a river and ate a pig, or two, then went out of town for three days of driving and taking pictures. Mainly taking pictures, or watching someone else do so.

All this makes me wonder who is putting the magazine out. The first one was finished a week ago and it's so frustrating having to wait so long for the finished product, and to see it on sale. We're halfway through producing the next one, or we should be. Um. Yes. Hence my lack of time for blogging or reading of any kind, but I'm glad to see there's blogging going on here. Fabulous stuff. Must go, will write more exciting news soon.


Malibu says: while trying to find a picture to go with this blog (which was obviously unsuccessful), I learnt that German traffic lights give you a warning when they are about to turn green, by having the amber light up while the red is still on. Do they really? How cool is that? Gives you time to whack your manual into first gear, or in some cases safely recap your lipstick. Kinda like a Christmas tree at the drags, ain't it?

Benny took pity on me...

... and sent me a pic of his Val, with permission to publish it.

Now. I ask ya. Why would you prefer a lump of new millenium premoulded plastic to something like this? This has character. It won't disintegrate in the rain. It won't dent if you breathe on it. You can fix any breakdowns with a leather belt (proven!), a pair of pantyhose, a coathanger, a screwdriver and a hammer - no computer diagnostician needed.

(Yeah, they're not exactly fuel-efficient. I know. Go tell the Greens. Perhaps Cate Blanchett, Leonardo di Caprio and Al Gore could downgrade their mansions to average-sized family homes to offset the damage done by the few thousand Vals still on the road.)

Umm.....

... yeah, I know, I've been slack. But I'm just not inspired. I pray every day to find a car photo I can whack on here that hasn't been seen 1000 times already. I've blackbanned the Tele so can't trawl their site for nasty things to say about Montymort. The SMH site is so dull I fall asleep surfing it, and I can't bring myself to check out their car section.

I played netball on Saturday so couldn't even TYPE for most of the weekend. (Limited injuries, thanx for asking - skinned knees, grazed palms, bruised and lumpy elbow, and suspiciously sore left wrist, which is the wrist I broke last time I played netball... in 1988. But I cannot still wait for the next game this Saturday.)

And I think I'm getting that late-pregnancy feeling. It's so excitingly close, but still so frustratingly far. (No, I'm not pregnant, it's an analogy, alright? Immaculate conception has already been done. Apparently.)

This time in 2 weeks, I'll be devouring the first issue of Top Gear. Finally. I've got a big weekend coming up (netball, plus celebrating my 19th anniversary of turning 21), the following weekend I've promised Drano can have a friend over for the weekend (god help me), so I can devote the weekend after that to major anticipation of the newsagent opening on Monday morning.

Cannot. Wait.

We apologise for the break in transmission...

... but your caustic Corby Cult correspondent was on a short break in the Snowy Mountains. Some of it was great - like watching the kids toboggan for the first time, I have never laughed so hard in my life. Some of it was crap - long story there. Maybe I'll put it on my blog.


(Note to Telstra: although you are not my net supplier, how freakin' hard would it be to arrange for your pathetically slow and unreliable excuse for wireless broadband to actually work at Jindabyne? Huh???)


19 sleeps to go, eh? Hands up those who cannot wait. And, if all goes according to plan, the hangover from my 40th should be receding by the time TG is available. Assuming I live that long. And if my employers think I'm spending my days around June 30 concentrating on their tax, they had better think again.

Or...

... maybe he didn't say that, but I can believe that he would, in a whole fake-humility/modesty-type fashion. Don't ya reckon?

But now it's late enough (and I'm drunk enough) to use one of my favourite sayings: the best revenge is a fabulous life. It is my earnest belief that the Corbster is now embarking on the fabulous life part of it. He's paid his dues. Now comes his time in the sun... what's the Footloose quote? (Duke? What's the Footloose quote??? Quick!) Something about a time to sew and a time to reap and all that happy crap.

Now is Stephens time to reap what he has sown (sp? Too drunk to remember, sorry.). I firmly believe that Top Gear Australia will take off like a freakin' rocket. There is an untapped market of people who enjoy the whole revhead thing, but find most car mags too technical and boring. Surely I'm not the only chick who has a thing for cars, but doesn't need to know how many fractions of inches the cylinders need to be bored for optimum performance. (And surely I'm not the only person who is annoyed by a stock standard vehicle, with a fully sick [makes me wanna vomit] whatever-the-hell-they-call-it-mega-expensive-sound-system-these-days, mate. That is not a car. That is a stereo on wheels. Impress me with what's under the bonnet, the sound of it, the quarter-mile stats, the rumble through your feet, not with how many bloody blocks away the bass can be heard! Hmph.)

Remember Ike? Ages ago, on the dearly-departed MOS, she confessed that she isn't a revhead at all but she enjoyed watching Top Gear. This is the market, and it is ripe for the picking.

Stephen & I have disagreed about cars on MOS: I like old, unwieldy, expensive-to-maintain-and-drive cars (says she, the driver of - gulp - a Hyundai). He's not an old car fan. But y'all know how well he writes.

If there is a god, then Top Gear Australia will kick arse, take names, and break records. (Father Dave? Do you have a direct line?)

A quote from our favourite, um, quoter. Is that even a word?

"You could put all the talent I had into your left eye and still not suffer from impaired vision."

Monty

Can't argue with that, can you, boys & girls? And the pedantic side of me thinks 'hmm - the talent you HAD? So you have even less talent now? I'm surprised you remember to breathe-in and follow that up with breathe-out.'

(Not sure if the quoter wants to be identified, but if you're not new to MOS, then you know who sent this, don't you? Our king of quotes, god bless his Italian-bike-lovin' heart.)

PS: KT sat the final exam for her degree today. I suspect she's probably drunk at the moment... and so she should be. Congratulations from your fellow blog-mates, Sassy Striker.

Stephen says... (2)

Finally, I’m official:

AUSTRALIA’S THIRD WAVE OF MOTORING MEDIA LAUNCHES: TOP GEAR AUSTRALIA

Wednesday 4 June, 2008: ACP Magazines announced today that it has secured the license to publish the website of the world’s top motoring brand, Top Gear. Topgear.com will launch in Spring and will be the first English language speaking and second international version of the website, outside of the UK.

The Australian website will include news, wallpapers, features, videos and games, with approximately 30% local content. Last year, topgear.com attracted over 15 million impressions and over 1.5 million unique users each month, with 36% growth year on year.

Top Gear Australia will be at newsstands from Monday, June 30th, with the launch price of $7.95. Approximate sales targets will be in the region of 60,000 to 70,000 copies per month.

Stephen Corby was also announced today as editor of Top Gear Australia. Stephen is an acclaimed journalist, having formerly worked at The Daily Telegraph as chief - sub editor and in London at The Evening Standard, Mail on Sunday and The Mirror. More recently, he combined feature writing for The Sunday Telegraph (boo, hiss) with motoring contributions to The Australian, carsguide.com.au and MOTOR magazine.

Phil Scott, Group Publisher, Men’s & Specialist and General Manager of ACP Magazines new joint venture partnership with BBC Magazines, said: “Never before has Australia had a motoring brand that fills the gap between motoring niche and mainstream entertainment. Top Gear Australia brings passion for motorcars out of the closet and into a lifestyle experience, creating a unique proposition for advertisers and readers alike.

“The combination of the strength of the world’s top motoring brand, a compelling website, significant marketing support and an outstanding editorial line-up ensures Top Gear Australia is poised for success,” added Scott.

Top Gear Australia will be supported by a significant national above-the-line campaign and a targeted retail strategy, rolling out from June 30. The campaign includes television and outdoor advertising, in addition to a national print campaign throughout a variety of ACP Magazines Men’s Lifestyle and Motoring publications.

Top Gear Australia is the first magazine to launch under the new joint venture publishing partnership between ACP Magazines and BBC Magazines. Top Gear is already the world’s number one motoring media brand, with television audiences in more than 120 countries, and more than 20 international versions of the magazine in 40 territories.

Malibu says: Woo-hoo! Yabbadabbadoo! Yee-ha! It's finally official. But... the site doesn't launch until spring? How on earth can we wait that long? Luckily, we'll have some reading material to tide us over until then (I mean proper reading material, printed on paper with ink and all that old-fashioned stuff).

Congratulations, Stephen. "Acclaimed journalist", "outstanding editorial line-up"... I'm guessing you feel a little better now than you did this time last week.